You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
