puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
