taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
