my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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