He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
