this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
