im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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