I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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