In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
