You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
