Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do vagina's smell?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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