i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
