forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I stole a fireplace last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
not ubering you a puppy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
