perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
