Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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