if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
