hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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