We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There's always time for handjobs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
