Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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