Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
