It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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