areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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