Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
