Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
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Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
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Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.