At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
