I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...