i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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