Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
