This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
