is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Help. Why am I so naked?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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