I hate your face
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
