Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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