I wish my penis had an off switch
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
