So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm really busy with my period
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