is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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