if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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