girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
