dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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