I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
