i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my being single is dangerous.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
