My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
