you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
