Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
