If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
