it was like his penis was on wheels.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
