I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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