Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
