i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
