We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
