guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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