so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
