Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
