Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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