I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
