is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
