Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
