Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
