i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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