Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
