It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
