apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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