I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
