I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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