im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
