I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
