Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
