I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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