I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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