I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
