One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
