dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
