WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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