My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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