I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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