I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He passed out mid-signature
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
