just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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