I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dignity is for republicans.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
