I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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