Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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