I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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